VACATION FAIL 2K9 -or- How Naptime Thwarted My Vacation

The Plan: Spend a luxiourious 4 weeks in Country Club Heaven, all the while relaxing at the pool, strolling along the beach, and sipping alcohol-drenched frozed drinks with tiny little umbrellas.

The Reality: eh. not so much.

I had every intention of wisking my family away from the hustle and bustle of suburbia (ha!) for a relaxing month in sunny Florida. Arrangements had been made such that Patton would be able to "work remotley" for a week, then take a second week for vacation. I had convinced my mom to extend her stay, so that when Pat returned home to work, the babies and I could remain for another sun-filled and glorious two weeks. The mental preparation was extreme. The packing was insane.  The amount of newly purchased sun-blocking-uv-filtering-keep-my-kids-out-of-the-sun-whilst-we're-in-the-sun gear was staggering.

*Editor's Note: In the interest in keeping things brief... well-manageable... well- more novella than epic tale- I've decided to take the cheap way out and simply list the atrocities in chronological order.  This way we can all move on to more exciting things and leave this mess behind us.  You're welcome.

Vacation Fail #1: For the purpose of preserving baby schedules, we decided to begin our 10, um 12, yea THIRTEEN+ hour car trip at 11 o'clock am.  We figured this would allow for maximum nappage and night-time sleep in the car, while still allowing for activity time.  Quick math puts us at our destination well past 1am- with two babies whose schedules were NOTHING resembling preserved. Add also- setting up beds, and oh yes, getting a toddler to sleep in a completely unfamiliar place after 13 hours in the car= NOT.SO.MUCH [read: FAIL]

Vacation Fail #2: We signed Sophia up for swimming lessons (more accurately infant water survival) withISR (truely an awesome company, seriously).  Conveniently, our lessons were to start the first Monday of our vacation.  The aforementioned late night arrival was (wait for it...) actually in the wee hours of our first Monday morning.  Let's take a quick moment to talk about how toddlers, who have very limited experience with pools, and who have to be woken early, from very limited sleep after a long LOOOOONNNGGG day in the car, do not so much like to be dunked in the water by a strange lady.   This one gets filed under both Vacation Fail and Parenting Fail.  I suck. 

Vacation Fail #C:  This may be a continuation of the previous- but just for emphasis it gets it's own paragraph.  We spent the subsequent two days trying DESPERATELY to get Sofie anywhere close to the water. Not surprisingly, Sofs wanted no part of getting in the water, with anyone. period.   [Bright Side: eventually she was coaxed into the pool and ended up loving it so much that we had a hard time getting her out of the water without bribes of food and/or sleep]

Vacation Fail #the next:  {Spoiler Alert!!} Vacationing with children is not even a little bit like real vacationing. Not at all.  There was a whole lot of errand running and napping and acclimation that somehow took precedence over all of that dirty fun-having we had planned. We spent a solid three days at the beach before ever actually getting to the beach.  And just for good measure, our first ocean side "experience" was all of 20 minutes long before Carter decided it was time for a nap (foreshadowing) and NO, the beach is no place for napping- don't be ridiculous.

Vacation Fail #80frillion: Apparently, just because my son has, up to this point, been an expert 'sleeper of naps whilst out and about', does in no way suggest that he will nap at all-anywhere-but in the back room of our condo while on vacation.  FAaaaaaaIiiiiiiiiiiiiLlll....

Vacation Fail #80frillion and a half: Also, because we're having so much fun already, naps for both of my children went from a nice predictable 2 hours in the afternoon to oh.my.gawd.i.need.a.three.hour.nap.every.hour.and.a.half!

Vacation Fail #80frilion & 3/4: The three hour napping, every hour and a half, for each child was OF COURSE perfectly timed such that neither of them was awake at the same time. at all. ever*.  

Vacation Fail #80frillion and 1: As a result of the aforementioned complete lack of predictability, Patton or I spent every moment between the hours of 8a and 4p in the house (with no pool) with one sleeping baby or another.  Which subsequently meant that he and I were able to spend very little time together.  boo.  

The solution= pack it up and head on home.  We made it 12 days.

Vacation 0; Babies 1

*any photo depicting more than one child awake at a time is a result of a tireless Photoshop effort- memories people... posterity and such.