As Promised: The Gory Details of Our Last Two Weeks

It went a little something like this:

  Firstly, a late night wake up of a certain little girl, a week ago Monday, that included- but was not limited to, a high fever,  quite a bit of moaning and the start of what would be 2 full weeks of a full-color spectrum of diarrhea (every. two. hours.)  

  Secondly, a Tuesday comprised of an even higher fever coupled with a VERY pathetic baby, who was completely unable (or unwilling) to eat.  Every piece-of-shit thermometer in the house was employed to try to put a number to the steaming pile of magma that was my daughter's tiny body (hmmm... crappy-strip-of-plastic-forehead-thermometer reads 98 degrees [fail, this burn that I'm feeling is definitely not normal], useless-hunk-of-turd-ear-thermometer reads 95 degrees [wrong. again.  the kid is on fire!], horribly-misshapen-fake-binky-thermometer reads 'err' [because what kid will actually entertain the idea of using this poor excuse for a pacifier- especially when sick!]  and the really-are-you-kidding-me-flimsy-plastic-digital-thermometer thrust deep into the axillary only got up to 103.1 before the screaming, overtired, ball of sick squirmed away)*.   The pediatrician was consulted and I was told not to be too concerned unless the temperature peaked higher than 104 (and I'm supposed to know this how, exactly!?!) or if she becomes lethargic.  A follow up appointment was made for the next day.

  Nextly, Wednesday seemed slightly less scary, as her fever broke and the diarrhea seemed to be lessening (and by "lessening" what I actually mean is "arriving in intervals of every 4 hours instead of every 2").  This resulted in a cancellation of the above mentioned appointment (FAIL!) and, wait for it.... oh yea... a 7pm jaunt out to the emergency room.  Right before bedtime- Sofs had a particularly colorful (see also: RED, or BLOODY) stool which, needless to say freaked-my-freak!  So with jammies on, scary diaper in tow, and blanky in-hand we headed out the door, to what I was certain would be a LONG. NIGHT.  p.s. I was right about the long night.

Also-ly, Long ER story, short... we arrived, were quickly whisked off to the Pediatric Emergency Department (oh-la-la) and were seen by no less than 9 nurses, 4 (actual) doctors and 5 technicians.  Six different individuals examined the lovely soiled diaper that I brought along, and many, many, scary freaking tests were ordered.  My poor little baby endured a urine collection (NOT. FUN!) an abdominal ultrasound (longest ultrasound in all existence) and a chest x-ray (which, to hear Sofie tell it, must have been something like laying on a bed of nails and having someone literally reach inside to take a peek).  The poo from the diaper was sampled and we hung around long enough to have a few yucky diagnoses ruled-out.  We were discharged and sent home armed with no more information than we arrived with, but at least we got a free Gatorade out of the 6 hour ordeal!  We were told to follow up with the pediatrician and await the results of the poo culture.

Subsequently, Sofie has started to feel better (albeit, slowly) and we came to learn, last friday the results of the stool culture.  Are you sitting down?  Maybe you'd like to take a moment to locate the hand sanitizer.... 

The culprit:  Salmonella!  #GAG!  YACK!  EWWWW...

We think we've narrowed down the source to a plate of eggs eaten at one of our favorite little breakfast joints.  Needless to say we'll be eating our eggs, hard-cooked, from home for a while.  

Anyway- the prognosis is good and Sofs seems to be back to her normal spunky self.  Nothing to worry about and no harm done.  We will be seeing the Pediatrician every two weeks until the bacteria is fully eliminated from her system (and washing/sanitizing the bloody hell out of everything. everywhere. forever. ewww.)  

*I am, for the record, acutely aware that a 'rectal' is the only accurate measure of temperature in babies- but I was not [I REPEAT: NOT!] going in there, under these particular circumstances